COVER ARTIST: Susanna Isabella
TITLE: Soulmates
MEDIUM: Acrylic
CONTACT: natalis.art@bigpond.com
www.natalisart.com.au
Feature Article
“Met someone special the other day…at least, I think they are special…too early to know for sure…but I’ll keep you posted.” Thus said my friend to me about his new acquaintance. I couldn’t help thinking about the various stages of a relationship.
The beginning – the courting period when we are getting to know each other. We try to learn as much as possible about the other person, and vice versa. It is a dif? cult time. We tend to mask who we really are and what we really think because we don’t want to scare each other away or create con? ict before the relationship has a chance to flourish – we are on our best behaviour. We show each other a great deal of respect; we make great eye contact, we listen and we don’t make fun of the other person’s beliefs or values even if they differ from our own. We accept our new friend for who they really are. Of course, most of the time we find that we have a lot in common, hence the mutual attraction and growing bond between each other.
The middle – we move to the ‘real thing’, a fully-fledged relationship, a period when we allow more of the real us to show through. We let down our guard a little bit and act and speak more freely. We begin to see that there are some fundamental differences that were not evident at the beginning of the relationship, but, we respect these differences and work with them as we build our relationship. We appreciate that we are different, and may see the differences as a reason that the relationship works (opposites attract?). We see the differences as a way to grow.
The long term – by now we see every aspect of each other, at our best and our worst. We know things about each other that no one else knows; we know each other’s secrets and faults. Sometimes we become complacent in what we believe we know about each other. At this point we may enter the danger zone of not respecting one another for who we really are.
People evolve, and their beliefs evolve, often at different speeds. The employed person may move faster than the home-based person. When we accept the fact that we change and our relationship changes, and we respect the changes within each other, all is well. However, when we don’t respect the changes in each other, we are setting ourselves up for failure with one another.
When we respect each other and don’t confuse and threaten our partner and their particular ideas, we demonstrate that we believe in one another. At the end of the day, in any relationship, our ultimate desire is to be believed in! We demonstrate this through respect and unconditional love. Respect is important to all relationships, be it spousal, friends, children, business etc. Disagreements can still occur, but we learn to stay calm and talk about how we feel. In healthy relationships, working through disagreements often makes the relationship stronger. In healthy relationships, people respect each other for who they are. This also includes respecting and listening to yourself and your feelings, so that you can set boundaries and feel comfortable.
Look for areas of respect when:
- you are intimate – your partner should respect your likes and dislikes;
- you are talking to each other – your partner shouldn’t speak to you like an angry parent, or as if you’re an idiot;
- you are arguing – even in the heat of the moment you shouldn’t be disrespected. If it gets too heated someone should walk away and cool down;
- your partner is around your friends and family – if he/she doesn’t treat your family and friends with respect, then you are not respected. Those people close to you are an extension of you;
- you are ending the relationship, or moving on; even if the relationship is over and there are hurt feelings, your partner should have enough respect for what you did share to end it, or accept the
end, with some class.
Finally, even your worst enemy will respect you if you demand it.
Demand what you are worth every day – you deserve it!
By Mike Friganiotis, Community Education Officer, Family
Relationship Centre. If you would like help with your relationship,
contact the Family Relationship Centre on (07) 4041 6063 or
FRCCairns@relateqld.com.au
Regular Article
A saintly poise gives Praying Mantis her name, but not her nature. It would seem that Praying Mantis was given her name based on her reverence and poise. To catch a glimpse of this silent individual poised on a leaf, it would seem as if she is actually praying. Sitting with her two front legs together, rising toward her head as if to resemble a saintly moment of prayer. Don’t be fooled by her stillness or reverence, for when a trusting bug steps within striking distance, her heavenly poise turns into a deadly strike.
Praying Mantis has front legs that are endowed with interlocking spines. Once captured, her prey will not stand a chance. Her once solemn figure has developed legs of steel to lock her prey within her grasp. Her victim cannot escape these deadly spines and her appetite is sated.
When choosing a mate, ‘together forever’ is not on the agenda for Praying Mantis. The female is the larger of the two in this fateful union. She is much bigger than the male and she calls the shots to determine the outcome of this mating game. For the male, it is a fatal attraction that will spell the end of his earth walk. Once our female accepts her beau and copulates, she promptly kills and devours him entirely, sated once more.
Towards humankind on the other hand, Praying Mantis is harmless in her nature. Her many species continue to fascinate our enquiring minds and there is a variety of species to match every terrain. Praying Mantis is fashioned to blend perfectly to her chosen backdrop. No matter what part of the country she is to be seen, she has adapted to camouflage her solemn figure, almost invisible to some as she sits motionless awaiting her next meal.
In her stillness and silence, Praying Mantis has been known to incite fear into the hearts of children and adults alike. She is an adequate flying machine and she will often mistake a passer-by for a tree or a bush, and land softly upon them to sit motionless once again. When noticed, she is hurriedly brushed away in fear. She can be up to 300mm in length and with wings outstretched she can almost resemble a tiny flying dragon.
If Praying Mantis has landed on you today through the cards, she has come to bring your attention to the universal codes. “I have been the silent observer of mankind for eons. Every species of man or beast has an unwritten code to live by. I would wish for you to be mindful of our differences. To take my pleasures and devour my mate is my code, but your code works differently to mine.”
Praying Mantis asks, “Have you become like me? Are you casually taking your pleasures and then destroying the bringer of that joy? Consuming others’ energy with no regard for their wellbeing? Perhaps it is time to consider the feelings of others more, in your daily earth walk,” she warns.
Or perhaps Praying Mantis medicine brings your awareness to a different question. “Is your energy being consumed by another without care or concern? Are you surrendering your power to another?” If so, take heed to call your strength back to you and become one once more.
Perhaps you have been receiving without giving or giving without receiving. If so, it is time to find a balance once more. To lure another with less than saintly motives will only spell disaster, as the universal codes play out and the karmic wheel turns. But to surrender your power and become powerless on your journey spells the equivalent disaster. Praying Mantis medicine says, “Stand empowered on your earth walk but allow others to do the same.”
Mankind is governed by the law of cause and effect (karma). “I have come to bring this to your attention in case you have forgotten the importance of living by your guiding human code.”
If you feel life is treating you unfairly, undervaluing you or keeping you down, remember nothing goes unnoticed within the laws of the universe. Correct the choices you have made and give as you would wish to receive then watch as the universe responds to your gifts. Offer of yourself not as a means to an end, but as a means to set yourself and all others free. When you remember to ask for guidance it appears just as Praying Mantis has done for you today. She reminds you of the gift of giving and receiving in balance as nature intended. Praying Mantis adds, “Learn from my imbalance. My masculine journey is a self-less one, my feminine, self-full. It is the balance of the two that you shall seek to bring you joy.”
© Trevor & Susan O’Sullivan 2007