[singlepic id=10 w=320 h=240 float=left]Artist: Lesley Crossingham
Title: Grandmother Four Winds
Medium: Pastel
Contact: www.lesleycrossingham.com
FEATURE ARTICLE
Emotional Elegance – 5 Principles That You Must Master
One of the things I understood from very early on was that people aren’t intentionally mean, hurtful or manipulative. They are simply emotionally CLUMSY. They are just trying to get their needs met, but haven’t had good role modelling or training in how to go about it in a less clumsy way.We’ve all been subjected to game playing by parents, teachers, media, and society. We’re probably still carrying around scars from the way we’ve been clumsily treated by people who we think should have known better. But sadder still, is that we’re perpetuating that clumsiness, because that’s all we’ve seen. We just don’t seem to KNOW a better way of getting our needs met. So, to help you out, here are my 5 principles of Emotional Elegance.
Emotional Elegance Principle 1:
There are only two fundamental forces – love and fear
Where love isn’t flowing, look for the fear that is blocking it. All negative emotions come from fear. Even anger and hate. If you travel back to the origins of all your negative emotions, I guarantee you will find a fear of some description. If you don’t, it’s simply because you haven’t gone back far enough.
Fear is actually just the off switch for love. So it’s not as if it’s a deep, dark force of evil. No, it’s simply the lack of light, which is love.
Emotional Elegance Principle 2:
Where you hurt is where you need to heal
Now, the next time someone pushes your buttons don’t fall into the automatic blame game. Go to somewhere quiet, explore your feelings, and trace them back to where you’re feeling vulnerable. Which is all well and good, but then comes the next question: what are you going to do about it? Your pain is your responsibility. You need to deal with it. You can’t stop people pushing your buttons, and if you can, you’ll simply attract someone else who will push those same buttons.
No, your best defence is to strengthen that area of your life where you feel exposed to being attacked. It could be your weight, your appearance, your education (or lack of it) or your finances (or lack of it). Simply note what your triggers are, that cause you to attack someone else, then make a plan to heal them.
Emotional Elegance Principle 3:
Normal is usually NOT healthy
We live in an overwhelmingly unhealthy society. Our advertising is ALL fear based, our education system and workplace culture is punishment based, and our foods are all convenience and addiction based. Our entertainment is violence and exploitation based. So following what everyone else is doing isn’t going to find you happiness. Make healthy choices, which are love based. Don’t settle for normal, which are almost always fear based. Make healthy your new norm.
Emotional Elegance Principle 4:
Love strongly but love lightly
I see it all the time and I’m sure you do too. We all know people who like to live dangerously and who seek thrills and adventures that would make a stuntman shudder. Yet many of these same people don’t want to risk another broken heart. It would be almost funny if it wasn’t so tragic. Why are people so fearful of a broken heart? This, in itself, is worthy of deep contemplation.
Buddhists have a saying: pain comes from trying to hang on to what’s trying to move on. In life, nothing lasts forever. So learn to let go graciously, even in love, and be willing to remain open for more love, more life-force to flow through you. No relationship is ever a waste of time, and leaves gifts and blessings behind.
Emotional Elegance Principle 5:
No guarantees – so be your OWN best friend
You are the only one you can ever absolutely count on to be there for yourself. You are born alone, you die alone. The journey in between is YOUR journey. You may find companions, lovers, even soul-mates who share sections of your path. But you cannot guarantee their presence in all future sections. When you find yourself in trouble, your loved ones may wish they could be there for you, but may simply be unable to, due to time or distance.
Your loved ones have their own journey to accomplish and it may be that the Universe, in its wisdom, moves you both from a joint path to an individual path, without the other. This is when it is really helpful to recall the fourth principle: love strongly but love lightly. Do not hold back in your loving. You never know how long you have together.
By following these 5 Principles of Emotional Elegance, you get two additional bonuses in your life.
Bonus 1 – you become easy to love.
Bonus 2 – needy people lose their attractiveness. You therefore, will have healthier, happier relationships.
So, be sure to choose to be Emotionally Elegant in all your relationships from now on. Happiness guaranteed.
Marlowe Aster is a Townsville Based Spiritual Teacher. You can download an audio of her Emotional Elegance class at www.Destiny-Coach.com.
REGULAR FEATURE
Wildlife Wisdom – Dragonfly – Transparency
What comes first, the Dragonfly or the Nymph you ask? Dragonfly experiences amazing transformations in his lifetime; his evolution begins from the moment the Nymph egg hatches.
The Nymph begins the life cycle for Dragonfly. He lives a very secretive, covert life in the depths of murky waters of ponds and waterways. He develops secretly out of human awareness and lives amongst the plants, scouring the darkness and depths of their aquatic nursery.
Nymphs are stealthy predators. They prey on the majority of species of unsuspecting water-bound life forms. He is an ambush predator and uses his mastery of camouflage to secure a succulent meal in order to grow strong enough to transform into his second stage of life. His covert actions of deception don’t always work in his favour however, for his dark and murky home is filled with like-minded life forms. There is no trust amongst the variety of shady characters that roam this dog-eat-dog existence; it is every nymph and every insect for himself.
When Nymph goes through the next transformation and metamorphose as Dragonfly, it would seem he has learnt the errors of his way for his character has also been transformed. As Dragonfly, he leaves behind his ways of camouflage, deception and treachery and develops the persona and physical characteristics of openness with nothing to hide. When he reaches maturity and transforms into Dragonfly, he no longer hides in the depths of dark and dingy waterways. He exists openly, in plain view for his true beauty to be seen by all. What a transformation!
Dragonfly flits openly before your eyes. His existence becomes transparent for all to see. With the delicious sunrays reflecting off his metallic transparent wings, he is a magical beauty to behold. Now that Dragonfly is no longer confined to the world beneath, he is free to fly through and explore the world above. On the wisp of wind he flies through the air to find and bond with a mate. He copulates immediately to produce viable eggs and once again begins the cycle of life all over again.
Copulation for dragonfly is a lasting bond, as he transmutes from the mindset of distrust and deception to one of absolute transparency and trust. Male and female bond together, connected in copulation at the base of the abdomen. This bonding act does not impede their transparent airborne antics. They are both still able to fly in perfect unison, one on top of the other with the male holding the female with his legs below him in perfect trust as the two come together as one.
If dragonfly has come to your hand today he asks you, “Where are you in your cycle of life? Are you in the murky depths with a mindset of distrust and camouflage, concealing the real you? Are you hiding your true beauty in the darkness or have you moved on to a more enlightened mindset of transparency and trust in your fellow man?”
Dragonfly medicine has come to you today to help you become aware of the beauty that transparency and truth can bring to your life. “To stay in the lower vibration of distrust or a state of consciousness that matches my first stage as Nymph will only attract like-minded energy to your life.” What you see in others right now is a reflection of what you need to see in yourself. The actions of those around you are mirroring your internal beliefs and fears. Dragonfly says, “Remember to be transparent like me, like energy attracts like energy. My medicine says lift your vibration and grow into transparency and trust.”
Gather those around you that have nothing to hide and become that which is mirrored in your life. Be around those that are open to trust and have gained their translucent wings in order to soar openly throughout their world. “Be transparent in everything you do; lasting relationships survive because there are no secrets,” says Dragonfly.
© Trevor & Susan O’Sullivan 2007